Corporate World

The English labor market is indeed a very fast-paced one compared to, let's say, Germany.

It is not unusual to be jobless today, start a new job tomorrow, quit after a couple of months (sometimes even after weeks already), and start another new one seamlessly. There are just way too much opportunities luring around over here to stay put for quite a long time. I guess that would explain the equally fast-paced housing market as well (common rule of thumb is, you change your job, you change your residence).

Same thing happened to my workmate Freddie today. Little did I know that it was the last time I was seeing him when we were just sitting together chatting about Bruce Lee yesterday.

So who gets to do his job now he's gone, you ask? Why, the fresh hires of course.

Soon after the news spread this morning and a 5-minute notice from my teamlead, my workload spiked from ~20 % to 163 %.

All these crazy things people do for money.

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Quality Service

I arrived at the office a few minutes later than usual this morning.

Me: (silently grumbles upon reaching the desk and starts to unpack stuff)
Jeff: (looks up) "Hello, how are you this morning?"
Me: "Friggin bus just drove away right in front of my nose this morning, with the evil bus driver smirking at me."
Jeff: "Oh, they have special training to do that and go on various courses to piss off the passengers, think you have just experienced a driver who has been on the advanced course as he knows how to give that smug grin."
Me: ???
Jeff: "Hope the next one along has only been on the introductory course which means he will stop and just be generally miserable."
Me: (raises eyebrows and blinks a couple of times to check if still asleep)
Jeff: "You shouldn't begrudge every penny that you pay, where else can you be that insulted for the money..sounds like it is great value for money!! Next you will be complaining that you have to stand on the journey and it won't stop at your stop, which clearly would be your own fault" (smiles)
Me: (still blinking) "Wow, now everything makes sense. So I've been getting quality service all this time after all!"

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Mobile Accessibility

When I arrived at the Terminal 5 of Heathrow International Airport last July 1, the first thing I did (after exchanging my money to Sterling Pounds) was to get a SIM card which would enable me to telephonically exist in the UK.

So I went to the first shop (it was actually more like an information booth) I found at the terminal, and after waiting for the two clueless tourists (who barely spoke English I doubt they barely even knew the city they currently were) to have the assistance and guidance they were looking for, I asked the by then slightly irritated sales lady to give me a SIM card which offered the best deal.

I ended up getting a Vodafone SIM card which turned out to be one of the most expensive networks in the UK. The best deal indeed. For them.

By the end of the month, I switched to T-Mobile and was far more happier with my price plan.

Eventually, I started longing for an upgrade, but as a UK-newbie free from all records you are just not eligible of anything. Nothing.

After a few weeks of biding I decided to give it another try only to be declined by three different phone shops again. So I phoned my current mobile network provider and literally begged them to prettyplease upgrade my contract.

Three days later all my patience and persistence paid off.

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Short Term Parking and Congestion Charging

Mission: Driving to Central London with your own car.

Impossible? Absolutely not.

But it ain't that cheap either. Not to mention the mission you will be on for, which will definitely put your forbearance to an ultimate challenge.

First, of course you get to pay the beloved-by-all congestion charge which they by the way now increased to £10.00 (yes I can hear you all applauding).

And it does not end there. You will still have to find an appropriate parking space to avoid penalty charges. With appropriate I mean a legal spot where you can park your car for a couple of hours without you having to worry about your windows getting smashed or your radio getting purloined (or both) once you get back.

So you park in a car park. Make sure to make your business quick or not be short on cash.

Terribly sorry for the terrible copy.
Let me break it down for you:

Duration: 15:26 - 20:18
Total Period: 0d3h53'
Gross total: £20.80

That's roughly £5.35 per hour *rakes hand through hair*

Let me just sit here and assimilate that for a while.

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Love in London IV

Me standing at the bus stop (obviously waiting for the bus). Chilly and windy. Workmate Fabio comes up.

Me: "Hey Fabio, how are you?" (smiles)
Fabio: "I'm cold and I need a hug." (puppy look)

That's Italian charm in London for you.

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Four Ridges Must Be Destroyed

New findings for today: Four Ridges Must Be Destroyed

I stumbled upon this page whilst browsing through YouTube and never got to figure out what the site was all about. A horror flick? A video game?

No and no, it is a creepy CREEPY website promoting a... milkshake.

The site is a somewhat subtle focus on the product's new features which are "thicker, slower, better".

Now I am really not the milkshake type, but I do am very impressed with the whole clever and creative idea behind all this!

The campaign was developed by a London-based advertising agency, Grey London.

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Summer In The City

It's a sunny Saturday with 23°C (which feels like 30°C in this hot and serried city), and everyone's out and about half-naked.

I love London.

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TfL Is Watching You...

And you're never alone...

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London Bus Strike

Thanks to today's London bus strike, it took me a little bit over an hour to get to work when it usually takes me no more than 10 minutes on regular days. If it wasn't for the kind gent who actually told me that the friggin' bus ain't coming today, I would still sit there and wait. If I was lucky enough to have a car I could actually make it in 30 seconds to work :-D.

Never did a single morning pass by when I did not mentally swear and curse at the buses that never came on time. It almost always makes me wanna buy me own ride.

But then again, you'll have to deal with all the pain that goes with it: left-hand traffic (I won't survive a day I swear. Either that or someone else will die), MOT hassles, taxes, insurance, charges, and of course - I almost forgot - the rising high gasoline prices.

Nah... I'll just have to work on my temper then.

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GCSE Answers

Got this via e-mail today... Is this for real???

***********

The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examinations. These are answers (from 16 year olds) in Swindon Wiltshire

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O and U

Q. What is the fibula
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure
A. A Roman Emperor

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

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Love in London III

This morning at work. A guy and girl stand beside each other and toast breads:

Girl: "Hi how are you!"
Guy: "Good, good! And you?"
Girl: "Aaah (moans)... life's a bitch..."
Guy: "And I've got one right next to me."
Girl: .....

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Love in London II

Me trying to catch the next Tube on the Hammersmith and City Line whilst texting and fishing out my Oyster card out of my bag when I run over a gentleman.

Me: (obviously discomfitted) "I am SO sorry!"
Gent: "It was my pleasure." (grins)

Damn was he handsome. Too bad I was running late.

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Buckingham Palace

Ok, so London will never be London without the Buckingham Palace. Just one more spot I can now tick off.

So I'm proud to say: "Buckingham Palace? Pah, been there, done that."

Nearest Tube Stations: Hyde Park Corner on the Piccadilly Line / Green Park on the Jubilee, Piccadilly, and Victoria Lines / St. Jame's Park on the Circle and District Lines / Victoria on the Circle, District, and Victoria Lines

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London Is Free

Ranking as the 3rd most expensive city in the world in terms of cost of living (Moscow and Tokyo being the 1st and 2nd respectively), London still offers - believe it or not - quite a few decent free events.

Still don't believe me? Check out londonisfree.com

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Camden Town

Camden Town is one helluva ‘hood. The beauty of this town is its eccentricity. There was so much crazy stuff there, I was too busy gaping to take enough snapshots. There was either a tattoo or a piercing studio (or a tattoo AND a piercing studio) on every block. And we met a gang of authentic punks hanging around enjoying themselves in front of the Camden Lock. Too cool for words. It’s a paradise for all punks, goths, and ravers. And yeah, regardless of the fact that I surely do not belong to any of the three, it was definitely amazing. A superficial peek into London’s subculture.

The Camden Lock Market was a bit of a world market, with stalls and shops full of unique goodies and yummy food from all over the world. It’s an absolute must-see!

Yes, I love spoofs!

Nearest Tube Station: Camden Town on the Northern Line

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Westminster

We passed by the Trafalgar Square and found the Admiralty Arch on The Mall.






And as we walked down the Whitehall, we saw the Horse Guards surrounded by hundreds of wild picture-happy tourists (me inclusive, though it must have really sucked for the guard to be in such a weird spotlight as they are actually supposed to maintain a straight face while doing their jobs. And, of course, many made some nutty attempts to crack them up. Bozos. Lucky for them, the horse didn’t get pissed off. I felt with that guard, really. ).

Then we finally reached the Bridge St. to get a sight of the world-famous Big Ben, the giant clock tower on the Palace of Westminster. Today is Saturday, so there was a lot going on in the streets. Most of them stood on the bridge to snap some pictures of Big Ben and London Eye. We wanted to check out London Eye too actually, but the eternal queue turned us off. Besides, it was cooler to experience the sights from up close rather from up above anyway - yeah, I'm just cool like that.

Nearest Tube Stations:
For The Mall and Trafalgar Square: Charing Cross on the Northern and Bakerloo Lines
For Westminster, Big Ben, and the London Eye: Westminster on the District, Circle , and Jubilee Lines

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Love in London

Lady 1 and Lady 2 meet at the front door:

Lady 1: "Hey, nice to see you! How are you, alright?"
Lady 2: "Yeah, am fine, thanks! How're you?"
Lady 1: "Good good! Have you been going to the gym lately??"
Lady 2: "Yeah yeah (smiles)!"
Lady 1: "Doesn't look like you do (smiles)!"
Lady 2: .....

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The Tallest Building In The UK...

...is the One Canada Square standing at 235 meters or 771 feet. It is located at the business district of Canary Wharf on the London Docklands

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Nearest Tube Station: Canary Wharf on the Docklands Light Railway Line

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The Right Way.

I stopped counting the times I almost got killed by cars coming from the wrong side of the road.

Luckily, the Brits are aware that the majority of the world has right-hand traffic, and they are considerate enough to remind the people to beware while moving about with the traffic going on on the wrong side (Those signs could save your life, honestly!).

So if they think they're driving on the right side of the road, how come they drive on the left side?

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Greenwich

We set off for Greenwich to check out the Prime Meridian before we visited some other far-out London spots today.

After arriving at the Greenwich station we actually wanted to see the Cutty Sark, a clipper ship used as a merchant vessel which was built centuries ago, but were downhearted to learn that the good old ship is currently undergoing restoration.

We then proceeded to pass by the Royal Naval College just along the riverpath. On the same grounds was The Queen’s House which featured some ancient paintings and artworks etc.

After taking a picture of Queen Elizabeth I's portait, I realized that photographing was not allowed.

Did you know that One Tree Hill is not only a TV-series, but a spot in the Greenwich Park as well?

Some park impressions:

A few meters southwards was the Royal Observatory which also marked the location of the Prime Meridian - Longitude 0°. The Peter Harrison Planetarium was also just right behind.

One can actually overlook the River Thames and the London Docklands by standing at the Royal Observatory:

Found some other neat spots on the way back to the station:

Nearest Tube Station: Cutty Sark (for maritime Greenwich) on the Docklands Light Railway Line

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Covent Garden

Today’s tour started off at Covent Garden, a marketplace known for its Royal Opera House and street performers. We got off the station and were just about to check the happenings and some shopping spots when we came across a huge crowd formed into a semi-circle. Standing amidst all the pairs of curious eyes and ears were two fine gentlemen dressed in suits, one soap box, and a unicycle which, as far as my eyes could have guesstimated from up close, was about 3 meters tall (that’s approx. 10′ for all you non-metric-unit-users). How lucky of us to just have arrived on time to witness some funky street stunt show.

First, the right guy started snacking on his apple, then he juggled two machetes. While snacking on the apple. The left guy then made some gross gag of eating the apple straight from the right guy’s mouth. I friggin’ swear. It was so yucky it impressed me.

A volunteer joined them later on to help hold the unicycle up, while the stunt man tries to get on the saddle. Actually, it’s child’s play. Watch:

But that didn’t end there! Little Scott from the audience was asked to throw some pins for the unicycle-guy to catch. It took some minutes for Scottie to toss the pins right as his cast range was quite limited due to his height.

Ooooh, now that made the audience’s heart melt. The two stooges ended their show with an exchange juggling act. The guy on the soap box threw his pins to the guy on the unicycle while juggling and vice versa. Great show.

The street performers got an enormous round of applause and a generous amount of donations.

More of Leicester Square:

Nearest Tube Station: Covent Garden on the Piccadilly Line

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