Summer In The City

It's a sunny Saturday with 23°C (which feels like 30°C in this hot and serried city), and everyone's out and about half-naked.

I love London.

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TfL Is Watching You...

And you're never alone...

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London Bus Strike

Thanks to today's London bus strike, it took me a little bit over an hour to get to work when it usually takes me no more than 10 minutes on regular days. If it wasn't for the kind gent who actually told me that the friggin' bus ain't coming today, I would still sit there and wait. If I was lucky enough to have a car I could actually make it in 30 seconds to work :-D.

Never did a single morning pass by when I did not mentally swear and curse at the buses that never came on time. It almost always makes me wanna buy me own ride.

But then again, you'll have to deal with all the pain that goes with it: left-hand traffic (I won't survive a day I swear. Either that or someone else will die), MOT hassles, taxes, insurance, charges, and of course - I almost forgot - the rising high gasoline prices.

Nah... I'll just have to work on my temper then.

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GCSE Answers

Got this via e-mail today... Is this for real???

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The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examinations. These are answers (from 16 year olds) in Swindon Wiltshire

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O and U

Q. What is the fibula
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure
A. A Roman Emperor

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

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Love in London III

This morning at work. A guy and girl stand beside each other and toast breads:

Girl: "Hi how are you!"
Guy: "Good, good! And you?"
Girl: "Aaah (moans)... life's a bitch..."
Guy: "And I've got one right next to me."
Girl: .....

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Love in London II

Me trying to catch the next Tube on the Hammersmith and City Line whilst texting and fishing out my Oyster card out of my bag when I run over a gentleman.

Me: (obviously discomfitted) "I am SO sorry!"
Gent: "It was my pleasure." (grins)

Damn was he handsome. Too bad I was running late.

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